


SEDUCE ME!

by orphan_account



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Eventual Smut, Everyone wants a piece of spy (except for scout), F/M, I Tried, I mean it IS the 1960s after all, I might write smut not sure atm, M/M, Multi, Out of Character, Sorry i headcanon spy being scouts dad and incest is squiky and gross to me, Spy is tired of the entire team being gay for him, at least i plan on so, but there still will be gay dont worry, give me tips to improve, i cant write, multi ship, please be gentle english is not my native language, this is my first fanfic, tw mild homophobic language, updates will be spontaneous
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 18:49:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7813129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When The Engineer told everyone that the teleporter caused tumors in bread and people, And that they all had 3 days to live, they were fine with it. Most of the mercenaries spent those last 3 days like any other day. They had faced death a thousand times in battle each day. They know how death feels like even if only for a few seconds, but this time it was permanent. The Medic spent his last days researching the bread tumors and The Engineer spent his days trying to fix the teleporter. And Scout wanted nothing more than to date Miss Pauline. He wasn't a virgin, he just didn't know how to woo a proper lady, Spy tried helping him by training him but, it didn't work. But scout was determined;he gave it a shot. It was going horribly until a giant bread monster attacked. The Soldier spent his last 3 days of life teleporting bread;that mutated the bread into a giant bread monster. They all fought the bread monster together, Turns out fighting giant bread is Miss Pauline's ideal date, And the Teleporter didn't give humans tumors, just bread. Everything is back to normal, well not exactly;the entire team got to know about the SEDUCE ME! Part from Spy's date training. Now it's everyone's personal goal to seduce the spy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	SEDUCE ME!

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the events of "Expiration date"

The Spy was sitting with the rest at breakfast table. Just the other day it was found out that they weren't dying in three days from tumors, that only bread gets tumors from teleporters. The Engineer was cooking today for an apology for the "whole tumor incident". He hasn't slept for the past three days, that however is not uncommon; Often he and Medic will pull off all-nighters fueled by coffee because of some "Genius new idea" they had. Thus resulting in poor performance on the battlefield. Once Soldier had to literally tie both of them in bed to get them to sleep because they haven't slept for two entire weeks.  
  
Spy didn’t particularly like southern food; but food is food and breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Besides Dell is a particularly good cook, He is one of the best at grilling in the base, next to Sniper; Scout gave him the title "b-b-q king of teufort". And most of the others are just not good cooks by spy's standards; Medic can cook traditional German dishes well, but he once put an actual human hand and dozen of other chemicals in there so he is banned, Demo is a decent cook but is always too drunk, Soldier lives on canned soup and rations and spy doubts he can even cook, Scout cant cook, Sniper has no standards and can and will eat anything that is edible; Scout dared him to eat a live lizard once and he did, Heavy is a good cook; but his cooking require too much meat which isn't covered by their rations, Pyro is a surprisingly good cook when it comes to baking and sweets, but is banned from the kitchen for obvious reasons.  
  
At the breakfast table, The Scout was blabbing on and on about something to a half-asleep, half-drunk barely listening Demoman. It's a mystery to everyone on how he even gets drunk before breakfast. Speaking of mysteries there is Pyro, The mumbling fire demon from hell, Spy didn't like them, nor do many of his teammates. However the Engineer can somehow understand his mumbles and they get along very well both in and out of battlefield. The Medic has busy with his doves. You know crazy-cat-ladies? He is just like that, basically a crazy-bird-man, with a medical degree and a provoked medical license because of lack of ethics and too much interest in hurting rather than healing. Heavy who was a giant compared to the rest of the team, was quietly reading a Russian book next to him. Aside from his obsession for his guns and "sandvich", Out of battle he was one of the sanest, Next to sober Demo which is a rare sight. The Sniper was often missing from the breakfast table, unless Soldier dragged him to the table in the name of "teamwork". Not a people person at all; But he was present at the table today. And of course he just HAD to sit next to spy; these men loathed each other, they would do almost anything to spite each other.  
  
Surprisingly Soldier was missing from the table; normally he would be the one shouting and waking everyone up and hurry them to the table."Has anyone seen the Soldier today?" Asked the Spy. The Heavy looked up from his book and answered,"Nyet, I have not seen Soldier". He asked the man sitting next to him "Does Doktor know anything about this?" The Doctor looked up from his birds and answered the larger man "Nien, I have not."  
  
"Yo, I saw him this morning; he was outside the base lookin' for something" Butted in The Scout."No one asked you, Herr Scout" Medic replied rather dryly.  
  
Strange, despite being a delusional man who talks to his raccoons, shovel and has cardboard cut out of people as "friends"; Soldier has a strict military-esque routine that he follows rigorously. He never breaks routine and expects other to follow it too; what could he possibly doing outside? What was he even looking for?  
  
"I suppose you might have a clue on what he could possibly be doing outside?" Spy again asked. "No freakin' clue man, I tried asking, but he pushed me away yelling something about hippies and the independence of America or something" Replied the Boston speedster. Not too much of a clue, as he always is yelling something about America or punching hippies. Spy brushed it off as soldier just being soldier, but he was still a little suspicious. I mean as his job as a spy he is supposed to be not to be too trustworthy and he also doesn’t trust anything or anyone easily.  
  
Just then loud footsteps can be heard outside approaching the dining hall. The spy recognized the sound as soldier's footstep, No one else is this loud and stompy. Just then the door was slammed open, and viola! Of course, It was the soldier.  
  
"Speaking of the devil" remarked Medic. The Soldier ignored him and walked in. "You! Frenchie!" Soldier shouted, pointing at the spy, "Come with me I have something important to tell you!" Before Spy could ask anything, He was grabbed by Soldier and brought outside the base.  
  
"Mon Dieu! Put me down you imbecile!" yelled the Spy. He was promptly dropped down by the Soldier. "Tell me dear Soldier, what is so important that you felt the need to pick me up and drag me all the way here!" Spy demanded to know. The normally load and assertive Soldier was now fumbling with his words."Come on I haven't got all day!" the spy remarked. He brought a cigarette to his lips from his disguise kit.  
  
"On a scale from 1 to America how free are you tonight?" He muttered out, He was blushing and sweating madly .The spy put down his cigarette and asked "I'm sorry, what did you say? I didn’t quite catch that." "ON A SCALE FROM ONE TO AMERICA, HOW FREE ARE YOU TONIGHT!" Soldier blurted out, he was red from ear to ear under his helmet.  
"Are you asking me out on a date?" Blinked the spy, he never would have guessed soldier; out of all the people would interested in men. He was always too loud and American for anyone to think that, guess you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Even then, Spy wouldn’t have thought in his wildest dreams, Soldier out of all the people would be interested in him. I mean, he was a charming gentleman that’s for sure; and as his job as a spy he is suppose to be seductive, so it was only natural for anyone to fall for him. And the soldier was too loud and too American for spy's taste, but he didn’t look half bad if spy were to admit; Broad shoulders, Decent height, and under that uniform he did have quite a bod packed with muscles, not bad at all. Spy wouldn’t lie; he did catch himself looking at the American when shirtless or in the shower. But in Spy's case, pretty much everyone on the team falls under this. But, Soldier is kind of cute when embarrassed and not yelling every five seconds if Spy had to say.  
  
"Well, uh yes." The soldier mumbled out. "Here, I bought some flowers for you; it is customary to give flowers to the person you like" He looked away and handed The French man a bouquet made from some wild flowers he picked from outside the base. Although it was only some wild flowers picked from outside, Spy was impressed for his attempt to woo him. The base was in the middle of a deserted wasteland; the most vegetation one could find was mostly weeds and cacti and the nearest flower shop was miles away, the effort was admirable. Maybe spy would give him a chance? Maybe.  
  
"I sincerely appreciate your effort, Soldier" Spy said, accepting the flowers, "But I must ask, why do you want to go on a date with me, out of all the people? Why now?" The Spy was a little suspicious of his intent, his own deceptive nature made him a tiny bit distrusting.  
  
"Because I like you, Maggot!" The Soldier yelled in his usual loud voice, "Why else would I ask you out on a date?" He was blushing so hard he was redder than his own uniform."I know a fancy French restaurant near the middle of the teufort city; I thought it would suit you." Soldier suggested, completely ignoring the second question.  
  
"You know the mayor tried to hang us earlier? And the town's people hate us? I don’t think it would be a good idea to go to the city unless we want to die, and respawn won't pick us up at that range?" The Spy dismissed the plan. It was idiotic to go in the city after those events, even though you can't expect much else from The Soldier.  
  
"I made sure that won't happen" The Soldier proclaimed, "If they try to hurt you; I will personally send each and every single one of them to their mother in a box!" He swore. "I made a reservation for a table for two at eight, don’t be late." he yelled while walking back into the base, "AND THAT IS AN ORDER!"  
  
"Well, I suppose I have no plans tonight" The Spy said to himself. He would give the poor Soldier a chance, just out of pity. He was curious on what the soldier's idea of a romantic night would be; Possibly something involving America  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
Definitely something involving America.

**Author's Note:**

> Give me criticism. This is my first fanfic and english is not my native language. Sorry for ooc and shitty english. Feel free to comment  
> Edit: Oh my gosh, you guys are so kind. I never expected this much attention on my first fanfic, hope i didn't set the bar too high for myself. I fixed most of the typos pointed out. Thank you guys soo much <3


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